Third Chapter
Brenda was breathless as she finished her spin cycle session. After the funeral she stopped home, changed into her sweats, drove to the gym and began her workout. It was almost comical how Harpy played the cameras, she thought; unfortunately so many people actually believed the crap that spewed from his lips. Dumb asses.
Still, there were some benefits from his presence. He brought the TV cameras, allowing her to be the star attraction when she sauntered up to the casket and delicately placed her rose on it.
She wiped the sweat from her forehead, took a gulp of water from her monographed bottle and smiled. How many of those men at the funeral would have given her a thousand bucks for the night? Probably all of them. Just as dumb as the protesters.
And then there was Sean. Unless he was a total recluse, he had to have watched the coverage of the funeral later in the day and in turn watched her. After all, the cameras were constantly focused on her – their red LEDs alerting her whenever they were on – and she played them like fiddles, creating an ambiance that was mesmerizing and riveting. She imagined Sean staring at her image, questioning his decision.
The funeral itself created a couple of benefits; number one it strengthened the tentative relationship she and Landi established. Just being there supported Landi and demonstrated that she, Brenda, was committed to reviving their ties. Second, it was a wonderful opportunity to be around the kids. That’s where the real benefit was. She spent some good, quality time with them at the funeral parlor, rekindling their relationship. It was a small step, certainly, but a major milestone reestablishing her role as ‘Aunt Brenda’.
She gathered her water bottle and towel, wiped her brow and the back of her neck with the towel, stepped off the cycle and pranced into the locker room – the lecherous eyes of the men and envious eyes of the women following her until she was out of site.
It was still daylight at five o’clock in February, another reminder that the worst of winter was behind, although March was always a wildcard. Some of the worst storms occurred in March, dumping two or more feet of snow on the ground; conversely the temperature invariably soared to seventy five at least for one day during the month. They should have called March ‘Capri’ for capricious, she thought.
That was a fitting description for herself – a capricious wildcard. On the one hand she was ecstatic that she could be ‘Aunt Brenda’, but that was diametrically opposed to her decision to pursue Sean. If she was to wrestle Sean away from Landi there was no way in which she would have access to the kids – Landi would forbid them to have any sort of association with her and would initiate a vendetta that would be destructive. To both of them.
She continued pondering this predicament as she parked the car in front of her condo, wondering how she could reconcile these polar opposites. It boiled down to a singular question – what’s more important, Sean or the kids? And what about Landi? Was she even in the game?
She walked up the stairs wondering how the scenario would play out, whether there even was a scenario – Sean already made his decision and she wasn’t part of it. The melancholy she felt a few years ago, leading to her pursuit of Jake and the ultimate alienation of Landi, crept into her thoughts as she turned the key and opened the door. I thought I had my depression under control, she questioned herself.
She jumped as she stepped inside, her heart fibrillating, as her mind attempted to comprehend what she was witnessing.
“Sean?” she gasped incredulously, barely able to catch her breath. “Wha, what are you doing here?”
Sean sat stoically on the couch, almost expressionless.
“Sean?” she asked again, this time her voice revealing some irritation. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?” She wasn’t sure what she felt. “Why are you here?” she asked somewhat defiantly.
“I have your key, remember?”
The air within her lungs exited; she nearly fainted, holding onto the door to prevent herself from falling.
Sean jumped up and steadied her.
“You okay?” he asked.
She forced herself to nod, refilling her lungs with oxygen.
“Right,” she replied, regaining her composure. “You have the key.” She thought for a moment. “So why are you here?”
Sean sat back on the couch, satisfied she wouldn’t fall.
“I, ah, had to get some of my stuff and figured you wouldn’t give it back to me if I asked so I came to get it. Figured you would be gone so I wouldn’t have to see you.”
Brenda bit her lip; the sweat from the workout dried on the ride home but she was sure she still reeked.
“So why you sitting on the couch? That’s not yours, it’s mine.”
For the first time Sean smiled.
“Right, it’s yours. I was, ah, reminiscing as I gathered my stuff and sat down here for a bit.”
“Get out,” she said abruptly, pointing to the door. “Get out and don’t come back.” Her eyes were ablaze with both anger and hopefulness; her heart was flittering. “And leave your key on the table,” she added, tapping on the coffee table with her fingernails.
“I saw you at the funeral today,” he said, standing slowly.
“Yeah, so what?” Harpy did prove useful after all, she thought. Yet she was unprepared for this encounter.
“Well, I, ah, thought you, ah, comported yourself very well.”
“Yeah, well thanks.” Her heart beat even more unevenly. Capriciously. “Get out,” she forced herself to say, once again pointing to the door.
He walked toward the door and she stepped aside.
“I’m sorry Brenda,” he said, opening the door. He stopped, turned, and faced her, and stared into her eyes. She looked away, fighting back tears; her heart danced tortuously in her chest.
“Don’t,” she squeaked. “Just don’t say anything Sean,” she repeated softly. “We’ve been through this before. So don’t, just don’t say anything.”
She stared into his eyes, determined to show her rage, but when she saw his emeralds her face contorted and she couldn’t contain her tears. Like a bursting dam they poured over and she valiantly attempted to catch them with the sleeve of her blazer. She sobbed for a few moments; Sean stood in the doorway, suspended in a stupor.
“Just go Sean. Please. Just go,” she said through her sobs.
Sean held his ground.
“What is it?” she screamed. “What do you want? Why are you doing this to me? Just go! Get out! I don’t ever want to see you again! Ever!”
She pushed the door but Sean held it opened.
“What are you doing?” she screamed. “Rape! Rape!”
Sean kicked in the door, reentered and slammed it shut.
“Rape!” she yelled louder. “Sean Allen is trying to rape me!” she screamed.
“Brenda…”
“Get out! Get out of my house! I hate you! I hate you! Get out! Leave me alone!”
“You don’t really mean that Brenda,” he said calmly.
“I hate you, you bastard!”
He shook his head.
“No you don’t.”
She despised him for being so calm.
“You don’t hate me and you don’t want me to leave. I know you don’t Brenda.”
He stood by the door.
“You broke into my house,” she said icily.
Sean nodded.
“Technically yes, but we, ah, were co-inhabitants.”
“Bullshit Sean. We lived together for only a week and I don’t consider that co-habitation,” she said hostilely. “I consider it abuse. Mental anguish. Defamation of character. Racism.”
Sean cleared his throat.
“Definitely not racism, please,” he replied.
“Whatever,” she said sarcastically.
“And not any of the other descriptions, either,” he added.
“Oh no? And why not?”
“Because we were… We are, friends.”
“Don’t go there,” she threatened.
“And I loved you.”
“Screw you!”
“And I still do. I know you can’t understand how I can say that and I can’t either.”
“You’re a scumbag, Sean. A dirty, lying piece of shit scumbag. I hate you!”
“You gonna hit me again?”
She scowled at him.
“I should. I’m glad to see you still have the remnants of the other day.”
He nodded, rubbing his face where she punched him.
“You need to go. Now” she demanded.
“We still have to work together Brenda, like it or not.”
“Why?”
“It’s not right for the kids, for us as professionals, or as people, to be uncivil with each other.”
“So what are you saying?”
“Can we treat each other civilly, at least while in public?”
“I already told you the other day that I would. What more do you want me say?”
“Can we be civil outside the school environment?”
“There is no ‘outside the school environment’ Sean. You’ve made your decision and that’s it. We’re not friends, you, you,” she started to sob. “You’ve devastated me Sean. You destroyed my life. All I wanted…” She wiped away a tear and cleared her throat. “All I want is you and that’s not happening. You rejected me and I can’t accept that. I just can’t. You’re not a friend. You’re just a guy, another selfish, immature man who abuses women, and I don’t want any part of you anymore. Go.” She pointed at the door. “Just go, be with her and don’t come back here again. You’re not welcomed, I don’t want you and if you ever come here I’ll press charges. I don’t ever want to see your face again and the only place that will happen is at school during the day.”
He walked to the door.
“I’m sorry Brenda. Really.”
“For what? Because you ruined me or because you can’t have both of us?” she yelled. “Just go, leave me alone. Please.”
She turned to hide her tears.
Sean turned the knob, opened the door and walked through it.
She fell back on the couch, holding her head in her hands, sobbing and noticed a small overnight bag with Sean’s belongings on the floor.
He obviously has some regrets, at least some doubts, and do I want exploit them? she thought. Or should I just let it go?
She stared out the window and shook her head. Dusk descended and the wind began to howl.
‘”Landi, you ain’t seen nothing yet,” she said aloud with resolve.
She walked up the stairs to her bedroom and stared at the image in the mirror.
“Let the games begin,” she told it.
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